Last night I was slightly depressed. Well, not slightly. I was very depressed actually. The same sort of depressed as I was nearly three times a week sometimes last year. The kind of depression where something really small triggers off really negative emotions and you just want to curl up somewhere by yourself, and not speak to anyone or associate at all with anyone incase they start hating you.

It started online, and Jonathan started to get very confused at my feelings, because I kept changing my imood. It first went from antisocial to jealous and then to stupid, and he didn't know what was up. Neither did I as it happened, so he phoned my mobile (shortly after I had infact gone offline, so I hit the busy button, not wanting to cost him more money than necessary. Then after waiting a few minutes for him to try my landline, I connected to the internet again, and he phoned again on my mobile. I sat staring at it Seeing "Jonathan Home" ringing.. thinking to myself.. I don't want to speak to him, but I also don't want to push him away like I did to Gavan... so I answered it..

He phoned back on my landline after I went offline, and he made me feel so much better, it was amazing.. I stopped feeling depressed when I spoke to him, and actually relaxed a lot... very much so. He suggested I get ready for bed and let him talk me to sleep.. which he did, rather embarrassingly... I woke up at 8.30 when the alarm went off, and saw the phone laying on my bed. Held it to my ear and listened, but there was no-one there, so I hung up and got up. Apparently he carried on talking to me after I went to sleep, but I don't remember any of it... I wish he'd been here and was holding me when I fell asleep... Still it was nice knowing he was with me at least voicewise when I fell asleep.

Click here for a photo of Jonathan and I. Hmmm.. I have to do some English now, so I'll just wander off now... I've been pampering myself and watching telly all morning.. naughty me.. :-) I will do an English essay on.. umm.. Dubliners and Murmuring Judges, and maybe Seamus Heaney because I can't do essays on his poems very well. I always get bad marks for that essay.

I was thinking while I was in the bath today.. that if I concentrate on P1, T1 and T2, and only a little on P2, I could still get an okay mark.. if I got high marks in the other three, it's still possible to get a C if I do really badly in P2. Maybe. We'll see... Let's hope that everything else goes okay. Hmm.. less than a week before my first exam. Eeep!

Anyway, I'm off to do some English timed essays now.. and hope I don't jump a mile high when my buzzer goes off like I did last time.. :-) It's actually a cooking timer, but I used it to time myself at my essay, and it went off, and I nearly jumped through the roof!

Nevermind.. ;-) Mmmmm.. my face feels nice and clean.. I'm glad I had that bath.. :-)