I keep thinking back to the past. Unlike before, I don't get emotional about it. I pretend I don't think about it, I pretend it never happened.

Me, the girl who always did her homework, who was dubbed the "boffin". The goody two shoes I was when I was young disappeared, and left the teenaged girl doing things that the "boffin" would never have done. She'd never have got drunk on cider sitting at her computer desk talking to people on IRC. She'd never have engaged in any sort of bondage. She'd never have got depressed, probably. She'd never have cheated on her boyfriend. She'd never skimp on work, and procrastinate all the time. All the things I was pre-puberty disappeared as I tried to fit in with everyone. Tired of being dubbed a "boffin".

Yes, I really do believe that the people I went to school with changed my life. More so than I like to think. All the comments and the looks, and the whole thing...

At the end of school year, the year 6 children would put on a leaver's play, as they went into secondary school the next September. My part in the play was a singer, of the band called "The Misfits" People on the scene with me always accused me of not singing. But I was. How coincidental how things turned out.

My life as a teenager has been hard. I've faced lots of things. The pressure of fitting in at school. My parents' divorce. My first proper boyfriend. Stress of exams. Depression. My first break up.

I'm in my last year of teenagehood. I couldn't be happier. They've made my life a misery at times. But, I suppose, the best has come out of it all, because amidst my misery and struggling to find out who I was, and what I wanted, I found the best thing in the world. My best friend.

I read in GingerBug's diary a definition that is the best I've heard. Something that sums it all up perfectly. A reason for it all.

Jonathan and I are "people who have chosen to walk, side by side, in the same direction".

Me and my best friend. I don't know why, but I'm crying. Before we got together, I did think of him as my best friend. Then he became my boyfriend, and then my fiancé. When you introduce a person to other people, you tell them your relationship to that person. The thing you say is "He's my boyfriend", because that informs them that you are "dating" (even though I've not really had a date with Jonathan at all... really... he lived too far away!). I've called him my boyfriend for so long, the fact that he is also my best friend seems to have been forgotten. Of course, only in the way that you forget the words. You still know that you can talk about everything, hug when you're feeling down, etc, but the words "best friend" don't form. I don't know if that made any sense...

Realising that Jonathan is in fact my best friend brings a whole new meaning to relationships. I love him so much, and when the words "best friend" come to mind, you think of two people who spend all their time together. But I guess it's kind of a childish thing. My "best friend" of 12 years was Natalie. We were inseparable. You think of 2 kids when you think best friends. And of course these probably change when you get older.

In a way, it seems like a kind of betrayal to Natalie after such a long time, but we've grown up, and kind of apart... it's time to say that Natalie is no longer my best friend. I still like her, and enjoy being around her when I do see her... but things change, and people move on.

And when you do get a partner, I think it's important that they are your best friend. I'm glad Jonathan is mine. I love him so much, and in every possible way.