I have just received an email from my best friend of 18 years. My best friend throughout all of primary and secondary school. The one who I asked (admittedly as an after thought, through a few years of neglecting contact) to be a bridesmaid at my wedding next May. The one who shrieked down the phone and said "Yes!" immediately before thinking ahead to May 2005. The one who just realised that she's got coursework due in two weeks after said wedding in May 2005 and she obviously hasn't got time to plan ahead and fit such an insignificant thing as her best friend's wedding, at which she was supposed to be a bridesmaid into her busy schedule.

I have just realised what an unreliable friend she has been all this time. I was always breaking friends with her during school, and now, on the most important day of my life, she has told me she has coursework two weeks after so she can't even come to my wedding let alone be a bridesmaid. I completely support her in her degree. She hasn't always been the most intellectual girl, and for her to be so set on something, and determined to make something good come about, it's great. But I asked her MONTHS ago. She had the opportunity then to say "No, sorry, I'm graduating next year, I won't have time what with all my exams and coursework and so on." I wouldn't have been NEARLY as hurt if she'd said no then, rather than shrieking and saying yes, then backing out 6 months before the wedding.

What I've got to do is count my blessings, obviously. I've got two lovely responsible reliable adult bridesmaids, and two gorgeous girl bridesmaids. And at least she decided to tell me 6 months in advance, before my mother has made her bouquet, and when she still has a chance to get a refund for the dress I have bought her. And to be honest, it would have been something niggling in my mind for the rest of the time before my wedding on whether one of my bridesmaids were going to bail a week before the wedding. So her being out of the equation will be one less thing to worry about.

Well, I replied (well, not sent it yet, but about to), laying on the guilt trip big time, so at least she feels bad about leaving me in the lurch the way she has. Sending it... now.

I am not going to have another wedding day. Is it awful for me to be selfish and want my best childhood friend with me on this day? You know what? Sod her. I don't want her at my wedding now. She's not even going to get an invite. Sod her. She can shove her coursework up her arse. After she's done well on it, which she had better after using it as an excuse not to come.